20 July 2012.
Early today i heard a loud bang which felt like it hit us and the class screamed, when the loud bang hit the plane, the thunder and lighting was really heavy big and noisy. We were about to sink towards the sea I fell into the sea, the waves took me far away from the plane. I woke up and i saw a island that i never been before i said "hello anyone there?" but no one said hello back. I look around but there was no one that i could see that had survived the crash. Suddenly it began to rain really hard and heavy but there was no shelter, but i saw a tree with a big hole i run into the tree fell asleep and got ready for tomorrow to explore the island and hopefully find some food.
2 comments:
A pretty good start Liam but slow down a bit. Try describing what happens in a bit more detail and don't worry so much about what happens. I bet the stories you like reading aren't all plot are they? Create a bit more atmosphere. The rain was a great idea. How did it make you feel? What did the sky look like? What could you hear, smell, touch, taste, feel? Looking forward to your next post.
I agree with Mr Nicholls, Liam. A very promising start, but some more description would make it even better.
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