the first night by danny
Dear diary,I was so thrilled when 7mw won the contest because the teachers said ' whoever wins gets to go on a plane'! Me and my friends were sitting on the plane when i spotted a pen knife under a chair. I picked it up and put it in my pocket.Suddenly, the plane started slowing down. Mr curtis brignall looked at the engine when all of a sudden a window shatters and drags Mr curtis brignall out of the window and shootes him into the engine... Which only made things worse! I new the plane was going to crash so I quickly grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. With only a few secounds left I opended my parachute and I fell into the water.As I rose to the top of the water I saw an island just up ahead so I swam to it. When I got on the island I was cold and wet. I new I had to make a shelter. I went deep into the islands and on the way I collected lots of leaves and vines. then I came to two colossal trees. I wieved the vines into a hammock and tied them to the tree. then I fell fast asleep.
1 comments:
This is an energetic piece of writing Danny, but you need to work on your tenses - you keep switching from past "...looked at the engine", to present "...drags Mr Curtis-Brignell". Your diary entry should be in the past tense consistently.
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